Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn. ~C. S. Lewis

depression

 

My world feels like it’s falling apart.  And I realized I’d probably go crazy if I didn’t have a way to vent and let it all out.  Chances are you don’t know me. Maybe that’s for the best. Hell, yes, it is.

This is my place to be REAL. My life is a souffle of suffering, and I’m constantly looking for silver linings.

So here’s the skinny about yours truly. I’m in a marriage I can’t stand. I have the laziest, most selfish husband on the planet. I don’t love him. I tolerate him. The only reason I cannot leave him is because I’m over 35 and no one will hire me for any jobs. With or without a college degree.  I have a child who has special needs and health issues, and I am the main caregiver.  Do you think my husband would help take care of a kid that needs help with showers at thirteen? Nope. I have two other children. A boy, who’s selfish and can’t see why he should help anyone (which is NOT the way he was raised) and a girl who I’m beginning to wonder is a sociopath with the lies she tells.

And I don’t understand what is up with them. I raised them right, and I raised them to know they are loved.  I didn’t get them everything they wanted, and they had to work for things when they saw something they did want. It was a loving home, well, at least from me. My asshole husband is just that… an asshole. I’m sure the verbal abuse from his sorry ass didn’t help things. But for me, I don’t know where I went wrong… where I condoned my daughter’s lying.., or my son’s selfish behavior. Maybe it’s because they are twins, and they’re fighting for their own place in the world. WHO KNOWS.

But it’s driven me to wonder what the hell is wrong with me… why did I choose this life.

This blog will have it’s ups and downs. If you read it, thank you. If you have something helpful to say, thank you.

If you’re a hater, and you just want to state something negative, please take your computer and shove it up your ass. There’s enough negativity in the world that’s thrown at me on a daily basis, and I certainly do not need you in the mix.  This is MY blog. If you don’t like what I write, write your own fucking blog and leave me the hell a lone.

To those who take my sanity journey with me, thank you ever so much for taking the time to read.